Dealing with Writer's Block

For a week, I’ve sat here staring at a chapter I haven’t looked at since 2011.  I’ve got notes all over it.  “Need to expand this.”  “What does this mean?”  “Move this somewhere else.” 

Expand to what?  What does that bit mean?  Move it where?

A whole goddamned week.  What is the deal here?

Today I’ve read the same sentence over and over and my brain has turned to guacamole.  Guacamole is mush.  Awful-tasting mush.  That being said, I’d really like some Mexican food tonight for dinner.  No, I have spaghetti to make…or I could just go to Wegman’s to get some Chinese.  Oooh, egg rolls.

FOCUS, dammit!  See what I mean?  Get back to the stupid chapter!

Sigh.  Okay, this isn’t that hard.  It’s only 6 pages, for cripe’s sake.  I flex my fingers, look out the window, and…oh, look, the bird feeder’s empty.  Is that pileated woodpecker back again?!  Hot damn, I need more peanuts down there!  Did I buy any today…?  Dammit, I didn’t get woodpecker nuts.  Nuts.  Do I have any more peanut M&Ms over there?

Shit.  There I go again.  

There are three things I need in order to get myself into what I call "The Zone."  The Zone is my place of motivation, the push-button combination to unlock the Swiss Bank Account vault that is my wealthy stash of imagination.  It is sometimes a bitch of a place to find, but I do know how to look for it.  I need these objects, and a little bit of luck.

1.     FOOD

I keep talking about food, so I must need a snack.  That’s one way to keep your mind motivated, people – feed it.  So excuse me while I go grab a nibble…

(minutes pass)

Okay, I’m back with a cup of hot tea (with lots of Jack Daniels, natch), and a bowl of grapes and tangerine sections.  (I don't have any more M&Ms, so let's settle for Healthy Eating.)  

Back to work.  (taps fingers on keyboard) Okay, we’ve got dragons in an alternate realm.  Dragons falling from the sky and becoming…ow, is this a seed in this tangerine?  (taps some more) 

Nothing.  I’ve got nothing.  But I do notice I’m tapping my fingers a lot.

2.     MUSIC

When you’re as easily distracted as I am, you need two things from the musical realm: 

An awesome set of headphones.  Mine are the wonderful Bose QuietComfort 15 AcousticNoise-Canceling variety, terrific for blotting out screaming neighbors, ringing telephones, and my husband's TV show, and allowing me to turn up my music to stratospheric heights without disturbing people on the West Coast.

A magnificent playlist.  Nothing to sing; all instrumental.  I can’t sing and type at the same time because I’ll type out all the song lyrics instead and King Arthur will be belting out “Y.M.C.A.” by the Village People and Rya will wonder what the fuck I’m smoking when I turn these chapters over to her to read.  

The Knights of the Round Table can't be doing this...it would be hilarious though...

So for me, it’s soundtrack music.  Inspirational and awesome.  I have a 95-track list full of Hans Zimmer, John Williams, and John Barry – masters all, the jewels in my triple crown of imagination-filled tunes.  Oh, I have others, but nothing inspires quite like these guys. 

3.     QUIET.

No texting.  No phones.  I’m so easily diverted from the task at hand that the simple noise of a cat running down the hall with a toy will break me out of concentration and I’ll be left staring stupidly at the screen wondering what the hell I was trying to say.  Hence my side notes like “What does this mean?”  Fuck if I know…(hits delete button).  Knowing my luck I'll remember around midnight or 2am, but it'll be too late by then.

Sometimes, I enter The Zone without knowing about it, and my fingers develop a life of their own; 20 minutes later, I sit back and rub the ache out of my overheated, twisted digits, and stare at my cerebral vomit on the screen.  My response is always the same:  “Where the hell did that come from?” And unlike real vomit, the chunks are pure magic - at least they are in our little world.  

I really need to be there right now.  I’m fortified with natural sugar and enough alcohol to send my neural net tripping into the void, my headset is in place and switched on, Hans Zimmer’s score to “Inception” is cued.  “Need to expand this,” eh?  Fine.  One way ticket to The Zone, please, Maestro. 

--Rebecca

The Pen is Mightier than the Winter

Hey everyone.  It’s been a lovely week here at FarCrutch Productions.  We’ve been smacked hard in the face by Old Man Winter, who finally got off his lazy ass and dumped close to 30 inches of the white stuff on the D.C. area last Saturday.  (Guess he was making up for the 70-degree Christmas Day that had my allergies asking what the hell was happening.)  I got in my 6-month exercise regime by shoveling the thigh-deep snow on front walk and back porch, which nearly cause me to have a heart attack – take THAT, Richard Simmons, without a single note of “Twisting to the Oldies.”  

Oh my GAWD!  There's so much SNOWWWWWW!
(*Smack* Get a grip, Richard!)

Well, maybe a twist in the sacroiliac region that required me to swallow nearly ¾ of a bottle of Motrin by nightfall, but hell, it was exercise.  At any rate, I owe my lack of heart attack to my loving husband and his robotic, complaint-free shoveling technique, as well as our wonderful neighbor and his monster snowblower, after ours bit the dust.

That's a lot of white stuff.

So after making paths all over the place so we wouldn’t be floundering in clustered flakes, I made a nice pot of Canadian Maple tea and downloaded a bunch of songs for a new playlist; with my stereo headphones firmly in place and tea steaming in my big Tigger mug, I launched myself into writing mode.  Rya (currently enjoying the delights of Florida) had dusted off the first chapters of Book 3, which we have entitled “Dragon Resurrection,” added some updates, and sent them to me for review and input before she left.  Within a few minutes, I was completely immersed in the next adventures of our time-traveling heroines.  We’re hoping to get something out to you guys by springtime or early summer.  We’ll keep you updated and we’ll post some tidbits on our Facebook and Twitter pages as we move along.  Until then, I’ll leave you with a quote from Douglas Adams.

“Anything that happens, happens.  
Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen.  

Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again.  

It doesn't necessarily do it in chronological order, though.”

No, it doesn’t.  Stand by for something to happen, folks.  It’s coming.

- Rebecca

The 2016 New Year’s Resolution

New Year. . .New Me. . .New You!

Wait, what?

I never really got that philosophy. It just never made any kind of sense to me. I will be the same sarcastic person at 12:01am January 1st that I was at 11:59pm December 31st.

Yep, you got it in one, Calvin.

So what is the big deal with all the “new” stuff? Honestly if there needs to be a change in your life, attitude, or whatever, do it now. Yes, yes, I understand the new year is supposed to symbolize a new beginning. . .but if it will be that beneficial, why wait? Like I already said - that just doesn’t make any sense.

Personally I just go with the flow and if a change needs to be made or addressed then I handle it then; especially because my Swiss cheese sieve of a brain isn’t necessarily going to remember to do it instantly on January 1st. Not to mention the fix to the problem may be right in front of you the moment you discover it. Better to handle it when it occurs – if something really needs to be done at all.

Truly, how many people plan to do something different with themselves or their lives and then get about 3 days into the new year and say “screw this?” (Rebecca, off to the side, is waving frantically, yelling, “Ooo! Ooo! Pick me, pick me!”) New Year’s resolutions rarely make it past the first month – hell I’d venture to say the first week. True life changes happen immediately, when they arise. Many times these things that need changing cannot wait for a set timetable. They simply cannot be ignored and need attention now.

I get it that for many people change is a scary thing. Whether it’s a big change or a little one, the unknown or new can be frightening to some, especially if they are going it alone. Many people can bolster their courage by attaching the change to coincide with the New Year. It’s a well-intentioned mindset. This works at this time of the year because those who are trying to make a change know they are not the only ones. It’s a herd-like mentality that offers a modicum of comfort.

There is a lot at stake with change, so you need to ask yourself a few questions first. Is this change really to my benefit emotionally, physically, or spiritually? Is this something I want to do or am I doing it for someone else? Will the change make me so different that I lose who I am at the core of my being, or will it compliment me as I am? Should I have done this before?

These are hard questions to answer. And no one can answer them for you. In this case you have to go it alone.

Don’t get me wrong. . .if you are one of those who really needs that “New Year’s Resolution” moniker and mindset to make it work, then by all means go for it! I’m just saying that the really important things don’t wait. They can’t in many cases.

So be brave and try to live a little. Believe it or not, change can be good, and even better, change can be fun! If there are things you want to take on, lose, or change around then do them now! Don’t wait! Don’t cheat yourself out of being a better person.

I will give this one small resolution for all who want to heed it – if nothing else, make a point to approach every single day with the intention of being happy. That alone can set you to begin on the right path. I’m not saying things will be perfect or always stay happy, but it makes dealing with things that go wrong far easier. Grab your life in both hands occasionally and shake the living shit out of it. You never know what will fall out and away to make room for something new and exciting. Take on the adventure and run headlong into 2016 with courage and strength. You just might find yourself in a better place.

Happy New Year to you all, from FarCrutch Productions!

...Rya

Christmas Crazies

It’s the moooooooost….wonderful tiiiiiiiiiiime…of the year...

Well, if you say so, Andy.  It all depends on your point of view, I suppose. 

Consider this:  You could be kicking back with your favorite holiday beverage (mine is currently hot tea with Fireball whiskey), with all of the household lights off and the Christmas lights on, a purring cat in your lap, Christmas tunes on the stereo, and a feeling of general well-being – the cards are sent, the gifts are wrapped, the holiday platters are ordered.  All is calm, all is bright, yadda yadda.

Straight outta Martha Stewart.

OR…

You could be running around in panic because you lost your shopping list, half of the tree’s lights don’t work, someone stole your outdoor Nativity set, the kids have eaten all the cookies (half of which were burned and you simply didn’t care), your shopping isn’t even started, Little Bobby won’t stop shrieking about getting that new Star Wars BB-8 remote-control toy that you refuse to buy for that price, your disgruntled teenaged daughter just destroyed your perfect Christmas cake by feeding it to the dog, who vomited it all over the holiday centerpiece you took hours arranging, the cards aren’t done, and your husband announced his entire family is coming to Christmas dinner.  And now you have to go to Walmart.  On the weekend before Christmas.  Fa la frickin' la!!

Why, God, WHYYYYYY

This is the perfect time for me to shove a shameless plug for our books, which I will, of course, now do.  *clears throat, drinks more Fireball tea, and clears throat again*

Hear ye, oh woebegone Christmas procrastinators!  For those readers on your list – and we know you have them – we proudly offer up our first two books.  You can buy them by clicking on the “Purchase Our Books” button above, and they’ll be delivered right to your door.  Here’s a nice Christmas ad for you, too.

Now, take a deep breath.  It's not all so bad, really.  Go find your list, it's probably upstairs by the bed – or make a new one – and stick to it.  Buy fresh cookies, and tell Little Bobby you'll think about the BB-8 toy if he cleans up the dog vomit, finds every piece of your Nativity set, and changes out the tree lights to your satisfaction.  Send your Christmas cards over email.  Send the teenager to Walmart and have her make you a new centerpiece.  Buy several of our books, pop them into gift bags, and voila, you’re all done.  Now, go sit in your chair with your Fireball, pick up your own copy of our book, and relax.  Dinner with the in-laws will be cake after that…and by the way, great cake.

Peace on earth, folks.  Enjoy your holidays.

- Rebecca

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100 Years of Divergent Paths

Hi guys, Rebecca with another dose of Poetry Corner.  This year marks the 100^th anniversary of “The Road Not Taken,” the well-known Robert Frost poem responsible for generating a million Hallmark posters of country roads that hung on college dorm room walls (including mine, natch). 

This poem is the epitome of decision-making – this way, or that way?  The clear way, or the hard way?  And does taking that less-traveled road really make all the difference?  In our case, yes.  We started our story journey back in 1990, on the way to Florida, on the heavily traveled I-95.  We spent many, many years writing cover letters and basically begging for an agent to read our work.  They wanted “published writers.”  So this year, we took that less-traveled road of self-publishing, and this poem took on a whole new meaning, and we won’t go back. 

Without further ado, I give you the marvelous words of Mr. Frost.

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Thanksgiving Nut-Case

Ah, "Writer's Block"...two bad words for an author, and also the reason the blog hasn't really been recently updated.  'Becca and I are both suffering from it for the moment, especially with all the running around trying to get ATSBN-2 up before Black Friday.  We've been wracking our brains trying to think of what to write for the Thanksgiving holiday that wasn't a regurgitated Who-hash of smarmy, feel-good, blah, blah, blah.  I'll admit it's not my style.  'Becca does better with that!

Now, all that being said, I'm so ready to eat some bird that I wanted to cook it a week ago!  However, I held off, because by next week I'll be "birded out" with leftovers!  Even with 24 people coming for the holiday there will be leftovers, trust me.  

Yo, Squanto.  Gimme the acorn squash.

If you had read one of my earlier blogs (Autumn), then you know I'm in my element.  Fall, winter, cooking, the holidays - I'm in!!!  And although our beliefs of the first American Thanksgiving are actually pretty off base, the fact is, we have a holiday that brings us together that isn't deeply based in a religion.  Now the concept of Thanksgiving isn't locked up by Americans.  It is actually celebrated in several countries around the world, with most of them not at the same time of the American holiday.  The bulk of them are harvest holidays observed in October.  And don't worry - this is as far as the history lesson goes.  (I can feel my own brain going numb.)

BUT - and that's a big but - we Americans seem to take this holiday like we take all our others, very, very seriously and with the same verocity as eating a pound of smoked maple bacon.  (Mmm, bacon.)  So many are polarized for/against the holiday being folded into and/or overrun by the Christmas season.  For a lot of other places, Christmas follows Halloween so they go from one to the other.  

If they wanna do it, let 'em do it.  Just keep walking.

I don't care either way.  I look at Thanksgiving as the practice feast for Christmas.  I'll serve the turkey with the tree in the background.  It most likely won't be decorated yet, but it will be up.  (My Christmas cards are already written and addressed because if I don't do them before Thanksgiving, I won't have two seconds to do them once Christmas shifts into full gear.)

What I'm trying to say here is take from this holiday the fellowship and the fun.  So what if the neighbors have their Christmas lights up?  That's THEIR business and THEIR preference.  If it's not for you, then just keep your home the way it is.  But don't vilify them for it.  Let everything else hang.  It's not worth stressing over.  There are far worse things in the world that could happen.

Now give me a moment as I will fall into a smarmy feel-good mood (insert Very Special Episode violin music here).  Having spent the bulk of my life in service to others, I will touch on one thing here, and that is to help others around you who may not be able to help themselves.  More people pay attention to this concept at this time of year but it really needs to be in our hearts and minds year round.  Donating time, money, or food can easily be done.  A little bit here and there year round is an easier task than slamming it all into the end of the year...trust me because I have no time at the end of the year.

No matter how you celebrate - or when, for our non-American friends and fans - the fact is you are having a gathering with friends and family in homage to all the good things in your life.  Being happy is a matter of choice, perspective, and belief.  Look for the positive even when things turn to shit and you will find it easier to cope.  So grab a giant piece of homemade pumpkin pie with a massive blob of whipped cream, sit back and relax...and HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

- Rya